Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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