you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
her facebook's as public as her vagina
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
