clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize