Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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