I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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