Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
