Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
