I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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