Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
