Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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