She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
