I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
