my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
