i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
