Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
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