That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
