she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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