Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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