I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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