i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
