why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Randomize
