Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I intend to get homeless drunk
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
