One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
My liver just had a heart attack.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
