i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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