I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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