Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
