I got chris browned last night
this boner is exhausting
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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