Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize