i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
