If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
this boner is exhausting
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
