Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I am full of burrito and curiosity
birth control should be required to get into college
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
