maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
