got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
