Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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