My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
