just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
he shaved USA in his pubs
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
