I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
