i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize