dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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