In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
