Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Is it because I queefed?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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