somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
A+ Viking dick
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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