A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
