If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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