I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
