Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Randomize
