Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
