I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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