I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize