Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
