I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
