He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
