when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
