Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
It's official drugs can't kill me
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
