the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
my shit smells like andre
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
