HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
