and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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