No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
