Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
