I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
My feet surprised me
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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