um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
