put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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