not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
