No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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