After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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