i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize