i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
