Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
3pm strippers are depressing
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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