He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
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