Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I need to calm my uterus...
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
