Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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