Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
