Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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