Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
