Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
