Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Randomize
