I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
