the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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