im about as happy as oj after his trial
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Someone came in the potted fern
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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