I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Randomize
