Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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