at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
