What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
