We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
