Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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