She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize