I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
