I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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