You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
