no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
