two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
