This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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