There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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