You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
