you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
