Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
