were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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