is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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