Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize