yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
