Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Randomize
