The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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